money can’t buy you back the love that you had then

this year it seems the weather has changed rather quickly, and while i’ve enjoyed creating early fall outfits (namely pairing skinny cords with boat shoes), i’m so confused: 1) fall crept the fuck up on me; 2) maybe point 1 is false and i just haven’t processed that ’summer is over’ because i haven’t broken my summer routine of selling-used-womens-clothing-and-living-with-my-parents; 3) this weather makes me think i should be at drew.

so, although i’m still in summer mode (a lifestyle i accept with ambivalence), the weather is telling me that i should be in new jersey, i guess drew has become what i associate with this weather.

i’ve become far more appreciative of what i had at drew lately.  i really miss having a group of friends.  have i already reached the point of life in which i have friends scattered here and there, and no posse to run rampant with?  it has its benefits – for instance, i can complain about almost anyone to almost anyone, because no one knows anyone.  this lifestyle suits me well most of the time, because i like to go out to dinner in small groups (and honestly that is the majority of socializing i get these days) but it certainly harms me when a party pops up in my life.  i drag jane with me every now and then, but i refuse to go to any party unless i know i have a buddy-system-partner lined up.  this may or may not sound really neurotic (depending how well you know me) but just think about it.  who wants to go to a party of a group of friends with whom you are only acquaintances?  if you’re anything like me, that sounds like a great opportunity for crossed arms and miller light sipping in a corner – or worse – before you know it, you will have smoked an entire pack of cigarettes just because it’s something to do.  i had forgotten what bad party anxiety i get until recently, and then i was dying to be back at school, where i would exit most parties early claiming i was bored and going to bed (but probably going to watch sex and the city), but at least i was comfortable.  and smoking far fewer ciggies.

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow? by The Shirelles

whatthefuckever

i go to israel next week, my cat thinks baby bunnies are kittens, it’s so fucking hot and humid in maryland/dc, last week i woke up to the sound of a mouse violently dying in a mouse trap in my room, i DON’T have a tonsillar growth (thank god), i think i really am quitting smoking, i still can’t use my mac, i really hate people not responding to text message invitations, and i just can’t choose a color of wayfarers.

 

http://fashionshowatlunch.wordpress.com/

go read this lovely blog i partake in

the friend cheat

in light of recent events (obviously including seeing the sex and the city movie which perhaps is prompting this carrie bradshaw-esque quest for answers about friendship/romance/what lies between via a computer) i find myself thinking about the boundaries between friends.  particularly, when a conflict arrises and brings about major trust issues, can the individuals go about the situation as would be done in a romantic relationship?  do friends make any more or less of a commitment to honesty and trust than people in a romantic relationship?  in a past romantic relationship, my partner and i would discuss the various options when we had issues of trust.  some of the most obvious being: 1) stay together, 2) take a break with the knowledge we intended to get back together, 3) break up.  however, i find looking back to that experience hardly helpful.

1. forgive a friend who has never wronged you before.
-hard because of the level of trust that has amassed over the length of the loyal friendship.
-easy because of the faith and loyalty that still remains.
 
2. forgive someone who you can hardly call a friend because of how much they’ve wronged you.
-hard because of issues of self-righteousness, exhaustion, and spite.
-easy because of numbness, exhaustion, lack of personal values.

like with a romantic relationship, it’s clearly a case by case issue. can you have a friendship break, indefinitely, in hopes of saving the friendship in the long term? how do you rebuild friend trust?

can a true friendship only exist between people with similar ethics? do friends maximize happiness and minimize pain? i hate cyrenaic hedonism.

thank you robert zimmerman:
And here I sit so patiently
Waiting to find out what price
You have to pay to get out of
Going through all these things twice.

graduated life

how strange it is.  i’m not on summer vacation, for the first time in my life.  yet here i am, working my ’summer job’ for the third summer in a row, in the back left corner room of my parents’ house, the same room i’ve had since 1991.  we’ll see how long this lasts…

i have had a horrible habit lately of listening to songs on youtube.  i am far from proficient with my new macbook, and can’t figure out how to download songs from hypemachine.  today i watched a luv photo montage to bob seger’s ’still the same.’ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaP6aK39w6o&feature=related

my best friend’s wedding?

my very dear friend kristine was proposed to by her lovely boyfriend mark about an hour ago. i cried, but then again, i cry over anything. we’ve been friends since i was 4 and she was 6 and i can’t wait to look at cute pictures of the two of us when i go home for thanksgiving and get all nostalgic. anyways, i’m super happy for her and mark, and i can’t wait to graduate college so i can start WEDDING PLANNING with her. ahhhh ahhh ahhhh!! i’ve known for a year or more than i’m approaching that “people-you-know-are-getting-married-but-most-of-us-are-single” age, but i haven’t had any friends get to that point except in the past week my friend tasha got engaged, and now kristine!

very exciting.

“Hello world!” thanks, wordpress.

well, i don’t know about this just yet. it’s been about four years since i’ve participated in the blogging (okay, livejournal) world, when it was way dramatic. i have a lot of trouble re-reading what i write because i don’t think i write very clearly and my stream of consciousness writing is just awful. so, we’ll see how it goes. it’ll probably take me forever to figure out how to use the features. i’m already writing really boring shit, great.

so, tomorrow is the second to last day i have to go to nyc for art semester. it’s been okay, but some things have made it more bearable., like getting a bottle of wine for lunch.

i would think i have a drinking problem, but then i remember prague.

i want to get a tattoo by chris nunez so he can touch me. what a beautiful man.